So here I am. 6 something in the morning and I am finally ready to get some sleep. But instead im laying in bed thinking about how my life is going so far and about all the things I've tried to accomplished and every time that I failed. Like my schooling, where I didn't get straight A's like my mom would of liked, hell I couldn't even graduate with out getting suspended. Then there's my employment ventures. From knifes to sushi they all ended quite badly. Why even the military turned me down. Don't even get me started on my love life, I could go on and on about how just, 'stupid' and 'sad' it is.......
Right the point is I seemed to have a bit of a low point recently. Not that my problems are particularly terrible or that I'm dying. It just mostly the fact that I could have better, so much better if only I had just....done things slightly different.
I made mistakes, most of them small insignificant mistakes that built up in to horrible problems and in some cases I just plain messed up. Mistakes that I want to sucker punch my self in the gut for and while im clutching my intestines crying I would scream at myself, "The hell were thinking! Stop being so god damn dumb you moron!" And then I would hit myself again for good measure. Just so I would get my point across.
The thing is you can't change the past, no matter how much you want to. And no matter how hard you try somethings are just unforgivable. You and try and try and beg then try again but......things will never work out. You lost a dream before it even began, all that is left now is just a delusion. A sad fantasy that only fools would try to cling too. It is time to stop being a fool. All around you everyone has moved on, the people who you love is moving forward striving to a better future with better people and soon your going to be left behind.
Again.
Someday soon they will get a great career or move away some place far or maybe they just meet some special someone, and then they just won't have enough time to waste on you anymore.
But that's alright. That's fine, because that's apart of life. Of loving and of losing. Nothing last forever, and the more you try to hold tight, the more it slips away. You already tried to never letting go, and remember how that turned out? Terrible! Just terrible that's how! So I propose a different idea.
Move on.
Two simple words. But yet why is it so hard to follow? Why can't you even move at all? Its such a easy thing to say but actually doing it feels like an impossible feat. The worst part is you don't even want to do you? All you ever wanted was to open your arms and hold her tight and never let go. Never leave, just stay where you are with your eyes shut and a stupid happy smile on your face.
But see there is your mistake! In your head you only gave your self two outcomes for your future. Right or wrong. But unfortunately life is not that simple. The possibilities are endless. And too bad for you, but each and every possibility you might pick, isn't the right one. Lucky though there isn't a wrong one either so breath a little easy about that. All there is, is life. And despite the endless possibilities and the endless outcomes of disaster you pretty much have two choices you can make. Just two.
Give up and lay down, or stand up and move on.
Just two choices, why that's not so hard is it? So tell me, which choice are you going to do?.....
I mean after you lay down to fall asleep of course. Well actually I could say laying down to sleep doesn't count. Because that's just getting ready to stand up! Its just the preparation time for you big stand up thingy. Oh dear, its 7:30 now. Did I really just spend an hour and a half talking to my self? Well at least I find myself interesting. That counts for something right?
Right! Well im going to sleep then....mind you im not giving up! Im just little tired that's all. Ill stand and move on just as sson ass isleeeeeeppp.......zzzZzz
